Boredom, imagination and unstructured play may be more important than ever.
Today, I watched a family of four sitting down to that quintessential, warm-your-heart, wholesome, filling mainstay of the American family eating experience: breakfast. And before ordering, there arrived that goddess of breakfast heaven with the endless and steaming coffee pot in hand, and now all became perfect and good in the land of the free and the home of the caffeinated.
Yet, what I saw next shook me to the core. Without missing a beat, out popped the automatic screen of compliance served immediately in front of the toddler, quickly followed by the glued-to-hand cell phone of the teenage sister, pupils dilated in digital addiction mode. And lastly, the parents who quickly whipped out their cell phones even before the first black drop of morning sunshine had been poured.
Conversation halted. Norman Rockwell blurred into Orwell. What I was witnessing was nothing less than the death of interaction, the killing of conversation, the lost art of eye rolling combined with sighs of impending dullness.
What I beheld was the death of boredom.
That’s it. You can’t be bored anymore. It’s practically illegal. But for our kids, it’s even worse. We have taken boredom away from them. In our desire to be the best parents possible, we have universally decided every moment of kids’ existence must be filled to the brim and beyond.
We, as parents, should know better. At least we knew a time when we could actually be bored. When we could utter that most stupid of infamous kid phrases, “I’m bored.” Instead of what we thought was revolution against our parents became boomerang retribution.
“I know what to do with that boredom” was the immediate chorus of all parents in the world. Without hesitation, you quickly were relegated to a whole new world of chores you never knew existed. Somehow, we’ve even managed to take that one last vestige of childhood away from our children.
Alas, our kids can’t even utter “I’m bored” because they have no time to be bored. Mountains of homework are now the new norm as kids desperately try for their doctorates by the fifth grade. Cell phones are raising our families as spending quality time together now means your body is in the room and your soul has been sucked into planet TikTok, YouTube or Instagram.
We are so afraid to be bored, especially for our kids. Every waking moment must be filled and backfilled and shoveled into endless bits of stimulation, fearing that one single moment of downtime might be our child’s demise. “Bring Boredom Back” should actually be our new mantra.
Why is boredom so important? Because without boredom, the world doesn’t move.
Bringing back boredom to our kids means they have to fail at being bored. Yes, I said fail. As in fall down and have to pick yourself up again fail. That’s how you learn — when you fail. And when you fail at being bored, you actually have to do or create something so that you’re not bored anymore. When kids figure out how not to be bored, it’s called playing. That’s how playing was first discovered — when the first kid got bored and found another kid that was bored and they figured out how not to be bored anymore.
Playing is the world’s greatest gift to kid-dom, where kids actually learn how to have fun. (Real fun means no adult helicopters allowed.) Kids learn to converse. Because to play usually means you have to talk to another kid in front of you — eye to eye, face to face, instead of FaceTime to FaceTime.
Playing means that our kids actually have to move their bodies when they play. As parents, we call it working out. But kids just call it playing. Pretty simple and fun. Amazing how boredom solves three major childhood problems at once — having fun, learning how to talk and exercising.
Boredom is creativity disguised as fun. Boredom begets invention. You build things like tree houses or repair bikes or work on cars or computers. Because you want to invent, you naturally become curious. You explore new worlds, whether around the corner or through books or in your own mind. And then you actually ask questions.
Boredom helps kids learn how to work. The greatest lament out there is we are not teaching our kids how to work. That’s on us, as parents. Of course we hear, “I can’t get a job. I’m not old enough.” To babysit? Walk dogs? Mow lawns? Wash windows or cars? Start a business. Help adults learn how to use cell phones. See? That’s fun and easy.
So, as the ultimate gift to our kids, bring boredom back and let the fun begin. Let’s have a screen-free family meal and relearn the art of conversation. Let’s start letting kids once again fail at being bored. Let’s begin de-adulting every moment of a kid’s life and give them space to be kids again. And let the playing begin.
Carew Papritz is an award-winning author, literacy advocate and educational speaker. Through his writing and educational initiatives, he encourages children and families to embrace reading, creativity, curiosity and meaningful human connection. thelegacyletters.com
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