Dealing with Back-to-School Stress

How do I manage stress and anxiety for the back-to-school season? 

The start of the new school year is exciting for most kids, but it also prompts a spike in anxiety. Even kids who are usually pretty easy-going get butterflies, and kids prone to anxiety get clingier and more nervous than usual. The start of school may be especially challenging for kids who are entering a transition year— going into kindergarten, into middle school, to a new school. It can also be stressful if there’s a change in your child’s social support system — maybe a good friend has moved, or they have a different teacher this year.

Check In with Your Own Anxiety

The start of the school year can be anxiety inducing for parents, as well. The pressure’s on you to reinstate routines after the summer break and arrange for new activities and schedules, not to mention resumption of homework.

Check in with yourself to make sure you’re not passing on stress to your kids. Plan out and organize the school day (from outfits to lunch menus) in advance to make things go as smooth as possible. To manage your own stress, it’s important not to take on more commitments than the family can handle comfortably. Start getting kids back on a normal routine up to a week before school starts, starting with easing back into regular bedtimes and evening routines such as healthy dinners as a family.

For most kids the new-school-year worries will fade and the anxious behaviors will be transient. The goal for parents is to be supportive without exacerbating your child’s worries. Here are tips for helping nervous kids have a successful transition back to school. 

Listen to Worries

When kids express anxiety about going back to school — a new teacher, increases in homework, making a team, a friend crisis — do listen seriously.

Rather than dismissing these fears (“Nothing to be worried about!” “You’ll be fine!”), listening to them and acknowledging your child’s feelings will help them feel more secure. And if they want to, you can bolster their confidence by helping them strategize about how to handle things they’re concerned about.

Keep in mind that kids often want to be able to talk about something they’re upset about without expecting you to fix them. Your job is to validate their feelings (“I know that’s hard”) and demonstrate confidence that they can handle the situation. 

Test Runs

You can calm back-to-school anxiety by doing some “test runs.” Go to the school several times before school starts to let your child walk around the halls, find their classroom and meet their teacher if possible. Repetition will give them a chance to be comfortable with the routine. If your child needs extra support to make a successful transition, let the new teacher know that your child will be much more comfortable if they can meet them briefly and see the classroom before the crowded, chaotic first day, when all the other kids will be there. You’re not asking for a lot — just a little exposure that will set them up to succeed. Also, having someone waiting for them, like a friend, for the first drop-off can be helpful.

You want to give specific praise for brave behavior. For example, remind them you will be back to get them and tell them things like, “Great job coming to preschool today. When I pick you up I hope you’ll tell me something fun you did.”

The most important thing a parent can do when kids resist going is to continue sending them to school anyway. This may be difficult, but if we allow children to avoid situations that make them anxious, we can inadvertently reinforce that those situations are indeed dangerous or scary.

When Separation Problems Persist

Leaving a child who is crying or clingy at school is a tough thing for any parent to do. But most kids are pretty resilient. Most kids recover quickly once mom or dad leaves. If your child’s teacher reports that they bounce back and participate enthusiastically in activities during the day, the best way to help them get more confident about separating from you is not worrying too much or feeding into their complaints.

If a child’s resistance to school is overwhelming and prolonged or interferes with their ability to function in school, talk to your pediatrician or a child psychologist.

Dr. Ashika Sharma is a dual board-certified pediatrician and sports medicine physician. She has her own concierge practice called Ashika MD in Placentia. Her website is www.ashikamd.com or you can follow her on Instagram @ peds_sportsdrsharma