Creating Self-Worth Through Friendships

two girls sitting on a tree branch — *(Photo Courtesy of Canva)*

Learn some useful strategies to help your child cultivate strong friendships while developing social-emotional learning.

So far in this series of articles about social and emotional learning, there have been three main takeaways about how healthy self-worth develops in children: through consistent observation, regular communication and positive talk. The final piece of the puzzle that is social and emotional learning is completed by learning to develop friendships.

Although families are a child’s first teachers, the fundamentals in promoting self-worth, friendships and relationships outside of the home are essential, too. When strong friendships in a child’s life are formed, such connections reinforce the skills learned in the home. These connections that a child makes in school, church or in their own community foster the foundational skills of empathy, sharing and teamwork.

One of the primary ways a child can develop healthy friendships with their peers is through self-awareness. If a child can identify their own thoughts, feelings and show empathy toward others, this will enable them to connect with peers. It would also allow them to continue to develop those connections and manage problem-solving when challenges arise.

Here are some tips and strategies to help your child develop strong friendships, as well as ways to respond to others’ feelings (and even their own):

Play. Socialization begins with interaction, both at home and outside of it. As time allows, set up play dates with neighbors and friends — and don’t be shy! Pay attention to the children your own child enjoys playing with and reach out to their family. If you connect with someone for a play date, it may be opening a door to a mutually beneficial friendship that can develop for both your child — and you as the parent.
Model healthy friendships. It comes up again and again, but research shows that modeling is one of the best ways to teach a child. Maintaining strong friendships with other adults, speaking positively about other families and even showing kindness by baking cookies, housesitting and other helpful behaviors, can demonstrate a healthy friendship to your child.
Make differences feel normal. We do not all speak, look, walk or dress alike. So, the more you speak to your child about differences and discuss the fact that they are OK to have, the more normal these differences become. Remind them that life would be boring if we only had one crayon to color with, one toy to play with, one sports team to watch on TV or one meal to eat every day. Helping children accept differences and understand empathy by being able to put themselves in their friend’s shoes will help them to build bonds and learn from others.
Cope with calm. Children who can find calming strategies and avoid letting their emotions take over are more likely to make and sustain friendships. This practice of staying calm takes time with children (and adults!), but with consistent practice it can develop.
Give them praise. If you see your child help a friend who took a fall or go play with a student who no one else is playing with, then verbally praise them for it! You can make it a big deal by saying, “I love how you played with your friend,” or “I saw how you helped them up when they needed a hand.” By verbally showing you are paying attention to your child when they do something kind, you are helping to guide their actions with those positive behaviors.

Overall, as a parent, you are the biggest role model for your child, especially during their early years. The ways in which you express and handle your emotions, build your friendships and navigate your own social-emotional aspects in life set the stage for your children in how they will act. As you have read this series on social and emotional learning, think of some of the strategies and ideas you can even use for yourself — not just for your children. As adults, we tend to operate on autopilot. However, if we are intentional about our words and actions and are open to lifelong learning, we will find a deeper connection with our children and our peers and improve our own social and emotional well-being.

By Servando Vera