Q: [School-Aged] My son is only in second grade, but he seems really stressed about schoolwork! We never had homework at this age, but he’s been dealing with that since Kindergarten, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But this year he gets emotional and frustrated when we even approach his homework nook at home and makes dramatic exclamations “I HATE SCHOOL!” “I CAN’T TAKE THIS!” as he sits there trying to muddle through. He seems so stressed that he can’t think straight and then is stuck for even longer and gets really down on himself when we try to helpfully explain or correct a misstep in his work. How can we help him?
A: A certain amount of school stress in young children is normal. First, elementary-school children haven’t learned how to fully control themselves. In addition, they often find themselves in environments, like a busy classroom, that they can’t control either. When children can’t control themselves and they can’t control the situation, their behavior reflects their frustration. Your son may be experiencing a heavier workload than he’s had before. On top of that stress, he may be afraid of what will happen if he can’t live up to what he thinks is expected of him academically.
To help your child deal with school stress, make sure you’re walking the walk with your own stressors. If you’re stressed out all the time, your child will pick up on that and become stressed out himself. Show him you know how to relax and slow down.
Next, ask yourself if you’re transferring too much of your own expectations of excellence onto your child. Are you setting limits and providing guidance that is appropriate for his age? Are you remembering to balance your expectations with an understanding that your child’s learning processes take time and have to run their course?
Once you’ve laid a foundation for your child to cope with school stress, you can take steps to reduce the stressors themselves:
- Keep the schedule within reason. Take a look at your child’s activities and see if there’s enough downtime. An elementary student’s energy seems boundless, but it’s up to you to figure out when extracurriculars need to be limited so that the brain and body can get the rest they need.
- Mealtime should be break time. If your family is constantly grabbing a quick bite, you’re too busy.
- Make sure sleep is a priority. It’s crucial to helping young bodies recover from stress, and to improving mood and performance the next day.
- Try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, stretching, exercise breaks, or simply stopping to have a good laugh or listen to some music. When homework frustrations start to grow, a time out for a hug or to play with the pet can help.
- Manage your child’s expectations. Explain that making mistakes and being anxious is part of growing up.
- If academic stress is impacting your child to the point of incapacity, consider seeking help from a family therapist, child psychologist, or child psychiatrist. But prevention and management are key to keeping normal school stressors from interfering with the enjoyment of everything else that life as an elementary student has to offer.
Dr. Stouder is a board-certified family medicine physician at Mission Hospital and Mission Heritage Medical Group, part of St. Joseph Hoag Health. Dr. Stouder strives to take care of the whole person. His clinical areas of interest include preventive medicine, sports medicine and dermatology. www.missionheritage.com
Heather Murray at Raising Good Humans says
Elementary school can be seen as two sections, K-2 and 3-5. Grade two is the top of the younger years and comes with more leadership responsibility. Grade two is also a big year in terms of academics. As the year progresses students go from learning to read to reading to learn and if your child is struggling with reading it causes a lot of angst. The math becomes harder as well and reading comprehension starts to play a bigger role in this discipline as well as others..
Meet with your child’s teacher and ask for input. Check your child’s current reading level to understand if there is need for reading support. At our school, grade two is the year when reading issues become very apparent and the year when the kids can make the greatest gains. Not to worry, there are many strategies that help.
One strategy I often recommend is breaking homework into sessions. Start small, for example 5 or 10 minutes of sustained attention. As the age increases you can work up to 15 minutes . Using a kitchen timer helps regulate the time and effort given to each session. If homework is 20 minutes per night, try two 10 minute sessions. I like using something called the Pomodoro Technique. It works for big people too but our sessions are 25 minutes. It is amazing to see what can get done when we focus our energy.