It happens to the best of us, we suddenly look up from blowing up inflatable dolphins and flipping burgers on the backyard grill and summer has come to a shocking halt. We know it’s coming, but every year it sneaks up on us. Here’s a PreK-through-12 cheat sheet on how to start your school year off right, with tips from some of the brightest minds of OC and beyond.
Preschool to Kindergarten
Preparing for the first year of school.
By Alexa Bigwarfe
The summer has passed by more quickly than you thought, and now you may be panicking because you are sending a child to kindergarten. Are they ready? Are you ready? Kindergarten is one of the largest milestones in a young child’s life, and you want to ensure you and your child transition smoothly. Kindergarten teacher Summer Robbins shares some tips.
1. What are the most important things a parent can do to prepare their child for kindergarten (in the month before)?
Before school begins visit the school and take a tour. Visit the important places, kindergarten classroom, cafeteria, etc. Practice getting in/out of car seats so that the car line will be less stressful when starting your day or visit the bus stop and talk about the procedures for riding a bus. Have your child practice writing their name with a pencil. Practice counting objects and counting aloud. And most importantly, read books daily and ask questions as you read the books. There are simple things you can do to help develop pre-reading skills while reading together. A few examples: pointing to each word on the page as you read, having your child point to the words as you read, asking how many words are on a page.
2. Where do you see parents putting a lot of unnecessary effort?
I think we are all guilty of this, but worrying too much about things that don’t truly matter. Things like having to have the perfect outfits, shoes, hair styles, lunch boxes, and sparkly school supplies. Additionally, do not panic if your children do not know their letters, numbers, or are not reading. Children will be assessed prior to school and placed appropriately. There is a large variation in skill level for children entering school for the first year, but by the end of the year, your child will be caught up to where they need to be to enter first grade.
3. Do you have any advice or tips for a first-time kindergarten parent?
Trust and talk with your child’s teacher often. We love your children just like they are our own and we truly want the best for each and every child in our classroom.
Keep the morning goodbye short, sweet, and positive. Some students are very anxious the first few days, and it is very encouraging for the students if you remain calm and upbeat. Just as you know, the children are able to sense when a parent is stressed or sad.
4. Any other tips or pointers for moms and dads?
Just try not to worry and if you have any questions, thoughts, or concerns feel free to talk to your child’s teacher. I am huge on communication and being on the same page with parents so that things are kept consistent for children. Having great communication helps everyone involved.
5. Any tips for throughout the school year?
- Bring a snack when you pick your child up from school. Many of the kindergartners eat lunch very early, so by the end of the day, they are very hungry.
- Be prepared for homework. Yes, in kindergarten. Many schools give daily homework, even to the kindergartners.
- Plan for rest time. School is going to wear them out. Especially those children who have never been in an all-day program or are still used to taking a nap.
Back-to-School Butterflies?
Helping Your Child Calm the Jitters
By Ashley Talmadge
Colin was starting 6th grade in a new school. At an orientation event, he became visibly unnerved as he struggled with the combination on a sticky locker. “He was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to open his locker with only four minutes between classes,” says mom Lynn Brown.
Colin’s particular fear is surprisingly common, and so is his apprehension about the beginning of a new school year. Most kids, even excited ones, experience a few butterflies in the first weeks. And the source of such uneasiness is not always obvious to parents.
What kids worry about.
Age, experience, and temperament all determine a child’s concerns. Young children with little experience outside the home may have separation anxiety. “Being in the care of adults other than their parents can be initially stressful for some children,” notes Deb Cockerton, a child and youth behavioral counselor. These youngsters also worry about practical matters, such as finding the bathroom and getting on the right bus.
When they’re a bit older, children worry about whether they’ll have friends in their class and where they’ll sit at lunch. Older tween-age students are “concerned about how they will fit in with their peers, and how they will do academically,” says Cockerton. The start of puberty and issues like cyberbullying, body image, and athletic ability may be additional stressors.
Some worries are not obvious to parents. Kerry Norris, principal and longtime educator, says, “There are always some things we don’t think of as adults…We’ve had little ones who are afraid to flush the toilet in the loud echo-prone bathrooms.” Older kids who are beginning to measure themselves against peers, may feel humiliated if they wear the “wrong” clothes or come to school with a “nerdy” haircut.
Major transitions can cause feelings of insecurity, even if a child has previously done well. Brown says that Colin was “extremely successful and a model student” during his elementary years. Yet, as a kid who “thrives on routine and predictability,” it took time for Colin to adjust to the new academic expectations, the more complicated schedule, and the pre-teen social dynamics of his new school.
“From a recovering perfectionist, you have to embrace failure. And you have to encourage your children, your students—even yourself—to take new challenges and be ok with failing.
I watched an interview recently of a successful businesswoman reflecting on her childhood and how at every dinner growing up her father would ask her, “So, what did you fail at today?” The implicit lesson was that every day you took on what scared you and didn’t play it safe.
As a teacher, I would much rather see a student (or even my own child) struggle with foreign subject matter or trying out a new sport than never leaving the comfort zone. A student stressing about getting an ‘A’ just for his college transcript is a dime-a-dozen. A student wrestling with the “why?” of existence, and being ok with failure, is a gem to teach.”
— Mr. Bobby Angel, Campus Minister/Theology Teacher at Servite High School
Signs of anxiety.
Kids express anxiety in many ways. Some are vocal and quite specific about their concerns. But more often it is a child’s behavior that indicates his distress. Cockerton says, “The younger child can become more ‘clingy,’ not wanting to leave mom’s side.” The tummy ache is a common symptom of stress in younger kids.
Older children can also suffer physical symptoms, such as headaches. They may eat more or less than usual when they’re feeling anxious, and Norris notes they may also experience sleep interruptions and moodiness.
How parents can help.
Kids feel more confident and competent when they come to school prepared. Experts like Cockerton and Norris agree that parents play a leading role in helping kids cope with back-to-school fears. Here are 15 ways to calm the jitters:
Talk to your child about what worries her. Provide accurate information if she is misinformed.
- Listen carefully and respond empathetically. Avoid saying, “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine!” Focus on your child’s very real concerns.
- Create safe space. The tween who resists face-to-face conversation may “open up” at unexpected moments. Look for natural opportunities to listen and check in during daily activities—riding in the car, doing a chore, playing a game.
- Read books. Cockerton says books can give kids “language to express what they are feeling.” School-challenged characters can also normalize a child’s feelings.
- List it. Help kids refocus on the positive by listing the things they’re excited about as well as the things that scare them.
- Talk to veteran students. If your child is starting at a new school, make contact with kids that have been there a year or two. Fears of the unknown can be calmed with accurate kid-to-kid info.
- Tour, meet, and greet. Visit the school so your child can see the layout. Make introductions to teachers and other school personnel.
- Brainstorm. Help your child build a repertoire of possible solutions to a problem. Brown’s son, Colin, was anxious at the thought of changing into his gym clothes among other boys. She says, “We helped him figure out where he could change and feel he had some privacy.”
- Play “what if…” What would you do if you forgot your lunch? What would you do if you couldn’t find your homework? This technique gets even the youngest kids involved in problem-solving. As Principal Norris says, “Developing the skills to solve problems independently lasts a lifetime!”
- Role play. Act out potentially uncomfortable interactions: What can you say if you want to be friends with someone? What can you do if someone is mean to you?
- Resist overscheduling. Keep extracurricular activities manageable, especially during the first months of school. Kids need down time to unwind and reflect.
- Show confidence. Let your child know you trust her ability to succeed. Remind her of the many challenges she’s faced and managed in the past.
- Check parental fears. As Cockerton says, “Children are very good at reading their parents’ emotions and if the parent is worried about how their child will do at school, the child will interpret that as ‘something to be worried about.’” Resist oversharing your own fears with your child.
- Make home comfortable. Kids who are worried about a parent’s physical or mental health may be reluctant to leave home. When major life events (divorce, death, a family move) occur, maintain as consistent a routine as possible.
- Get help. If your child’s difficulties persist, Brown says, “Networking with the school personnel is a critical piece of the puzzle…Open communication with school teachers, counselors, and others is paramount to ensuring the most successful year possible.”
Soothe the Stress with Belly Breaths
An anxious child tends to take quick, shallow breaths. A good self-calming technique is the “belly breath.” Here’s how to do it:
- Sit comfortably.
- Place one hand lightly on your belly.
- Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four.
- Feel your belly rise.
- Hold the breath for a count of two.
- Let your breath out slowly through your mouth as you count to four.
- Repeat several times.
Ashley Talmadge is a freelance writer and mother of two elementary-age boys. She has found that each school year brings its own set of fascinations and challenges.
Online Help
“13 Helpful Phrases You Can Say to Calm an Anxious Child”
For the parent who feels stuck (and ineffective) saying, “Don’t worry—you’ll be fine!” this blog provides some very helpful alternatives.
AnxietyBC
Printable information on coping with back-to-school fears, dealing with separation anxiety, teaching relaxation techniques, and much more.
www.anxietycanada.com/anxiety-PDF-documents
KidsHealth
Excellent information on everything from safety and school jitters, to homework and health issues.
Books to Help
To Read with Little Ones
- First Grade Jitters by Robert Quackenbush (2010)
- I Am Too Absolutely Small for School by Lauren Child (2005)
- Kindergarten Rocks by Katie Davis (2008)
- The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn (2007)
For Older Kids
- Alvin Ho: Allergic to Girls, School by Lenore Look (2009), ages 6-9
- Other Scary Things by Lenore Look (2009), ages 6-9
- Back to School, Mallory by Laurie B. Friedman (2005), ages 7-10
- Smile by Raina Telgemeier (2010), ages 8-12
Ashley Talmadge is a freelance writer and mother of two elementary-age boys. She has found that each school year brings its own set of fascinations and challenges.
A is for Administration
When troubles arise — whether on the bus, playground, classroom or lunchroom — parents are often confused about how to take the right steps in bringing it to the school’s attention. This can get particularly sticky when it comes to an issue, real or perceived by your child, with the teacher in question. We chat with some of OC’s top administrators for the insider lowdown on how to best engage the school to find solutions.
“As both a parent and a principal, I understand the emotion that comes with hearing from your child that there is a problem with someone at school, whether it is with a teacher or another student.
When a situation arises, contact the school office immediately, either by phone or coming in, but please don’t expect that the principal will be available at that point. Speak with the office manager if the principal is not available, and give as much information as possible. Then ask for an appointment on the principal’s calendar within the next day or two. This will give me time to investigate the issue, hopefully resolve it, and be able to report back to you.
Be prepared to hear information that your child was not aware of or did not report to you. It is my job to find out all sides of the story.
Be prepared to wait while the incident is being investigated. I want to solve the problem, and may need some time to do so. I also want to give you the time you deserve when we discuss the issue, which may not be possible if you ask for an immediate appointment. However, the wait should not be indefinite — you can schedule your appointment or request a call back by the end of the day.
Be prepared to not know exactly what consequences were given to the other party. While we can’t violate confidentiality, you can ask a general question about what are the typical consequences for similar situations.
Most importantly, begin with the attitude that we are on the same team. It is much easier to work with a parent who is cooperative rather than someone who opens the conversation with threats to go to the District office or file a lawsuit. Of course, if the situation is not handled appropriately, these avenues still exist. But they are not helpful when you first inform the principal of a concern.”
— Marcy Chant, Principal of Schweitzer Elementary School
“We all know that beginning a new school year can be overwhelming as we strive to prepare our students to successfully transition to the next grade level. As parents, the process of knowing who to speak to regarding issues such as peer relationship struggles, bullying, or tips on how to build a great relationship with your child’s teacher can be very confusing. Although it’s always best to first seek the wisdom of your child’s teacher, your child’s school principal is ready and available to help as well. Our desire is to build great communication with our parent community as we strive to create a positive school culture where students can thrive both academically, socially/emotionally.
I would also advise parents to communicate with the teacher often. Parents know their child best and teachers truly appreciate things being brought to their attention. Approaching your child’s teacher in a team effort with a common goal sets students up for success. Students will also see their teacher as an advocate and will learn to communicate with him/her during times of need.
Do not hesitate to meet with your school principal. Although our schedules can be busy, our number one goal is to help each and every student be successful.”
— Reggie Biancalani, Elementary Principal of Mariners Christian School
“When teaching students about adversity in the classroom and learning how to overcome situations, the team approach is helpful in facilitating an open line of communication.
First, communication starts at home with teaching children at a young age how to communicate with adults and trust parent-designated individuals. This could be a family doctor, a pastor, teacher, police officer, and of course, the parent. When students learn to communicate actively with a trusted adult, small issues can be addressed before they become large problems, such as conflicts with a teacher or bullying from other students.
Once the child has expressed the concern, a team meeting can be arranged with the teacher, parent/student, and administration. Often, an email or phone call about the situation before a meeting can allow the teacher/administration to research any history before the meeting and gather helpful information.
During the meeting, allow the student to have a voice and also teaching the student the process of problem solving as an important step. Students also have a chance to see adults support them and work to solution.
Finally, I cannot stress enough the importance of constant and consistent parent/child communication. Review with students how to overcome adversity in life and how to recognize situations as learning social skills. Children need more than ever the guidance of their parents as active role models, with face-to-face interaction. If they do not get it from parents, they will find it in social media, TV, and other sources.”
— Stefan P. Joly, M.Ed., Principal of Oakridge Private School
“When a child is experiencing a playground or classroom concern, the most important action for a parent to take is to talk with the teacher first. Listening to your child’s concern is crucial to solving a problem, but the teacher may have a different perspective and information that can help you in coaching your child. All schools hope that the parent-teacher partnership works, however, there are times when it is necessary and important to engage an administrator. Knowing that the parent has engaged the teacher always helps an administrator intervene to help find the best solution for the child while helping both the parent and the teacher feel supported.”
— Jennifer Green, Lower School Director of The Pegasus School
High School Prep
Planning for the pitfalls of partying
Kids entering high school might be excited at the prospect of a social life like the one they’ve seen on TV and in movies, thrilled at the idea of parties and hangouts. Parents? Probably less so. Navigating the waters of allowing your kids to be social and develop naturally, while keeping them safe and secure, is a tough task. Many parents wrestle with how to best set up boundaries that work for everyone, particularly when it comes to drinking and the presence of drugs at get-togethers. Randy Haveson, Aliso Viejo author of Party with a Plan, shares seven tips to help parents prepare for the new world of high school party life.
- Know your child. Is he or she a risk-taker? Risk takers tend to be more prone to engaging in dangerous behavior, including drinking alcohol at a younger age. If, however, he or she does not like being out of control, then you are much safer and can trust them to a greater degree. In general, people who don’t like being out of control do NOT like the feeling of being intoxicated and therefore, rarely have alcohol or other drug problems.
- Talk to them about your concerns and your expectations. Tell them what you expect from them in terms of drinking behavior in high school. Studies show that the longer someone waits to drink for the first time, the less likely they are to engage in high-risk drinking later in life.
- Ask them what their thoughts are on drinking and drugs. See if they are knowledgeable about peer pressure and what can happen when alcohol is involved in a party situation. Help her make a plan for the night.
- If you do let her go, let her know what your boundaries are and what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. If there’s an expectation that she doesn’t drink, tell her you might breathalyze her when she gets home. Let her know that trust is earned, not freely given and in time you will trust her more in these situations.
- Make sure she goes with friends you trust and talk to the parents of those friends to make sure you’re on the same page with your expectations. Have her and the friend make a plan together that they both agree to.
- Let her know you understand how difficult it can be to turn something down when it seems that “everyone else is doing it.” Come up with a plan and set up some excuses she can use ahead of time. Here are a few that I often suggest:
- I don’t drink and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t ask me again.
- My parents told me if I drink I don’t get my license until I’m 18, so I’m n
- My parents breathalyze me when I get home, so I don’t want to risk it.
- I’m allergic to alcohol.
- Not tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow for a family event.
- Let her know she can call you at any time to pick her up if she gets uncomfortable.
ot drinking.
The bottom line is that there is a fine line sometimes between letting your child have their independence and keeping them safe. You know your child best. Setting some solid boundaries is important in helping them navigate the challenges of growing up.
Randy Haveson is an author, speaker, and consultant with over 30 years of experience in the substance abuse field. He works with high school and college students on issues of alcohol and other drug education and prevention. His book, Party with a Plan- A Guide to Low-Risk Drinking is available on his website, www.partywithaplan.com. He is a graduate of San Diego State University and lives in Aliso Viejo with his wife and 11 year old daughter.
Sylvia Yniguez says
Excellent tips for parents! I have a 5yr old Grandson who entered Kintergarden this year (2016) and it’s my daughters only child at this time; although my grandson has attended private Christain preschool for 2 hrs — my daughter had anxiety as parent transitioning from preschool to Kintergarden. The reason is because –there is a big difference in how the upper class program runs (Ii.e., drop off and sign in is at the playground gate; no parents allowed beyond this point during check in or checkout times; Parent teacher Communication is done via email, etc…)
Anyhow Drawing from my own experience — I was able to share a few of my tips , with my daughter- which by the way, are included in your list!!! Also all of your tips align with how I raised my 2 young adult children😄
Thank you for publishing this excellent resource that young parents can use ,as a tool to make their school experience a success for all!!
BTW I absolutely love your Magazine!!!!