We talk to family-focused dog trainer Kate Uruchurtu about raising kids and pets.
Certified Professional Dog Trainer Kate Uruchurtu was inspired to work with dogs and kids since helping out with her mom’s childcare business starting in high school.
“By 2016, I was preparing myself to have kids of my own, and I came across The Family Dog Private Trainer program and realized how much of a need there was for dog trainers who understood young kids and the reality of parenting them,” she said. “The more I worked with families, the more I saw there was [much] to learn, and that ultimately led me down the path of becoming a Family Paws Parent Educator. Helping families who feel overwhelmed and often lost or hopeless to find their way and strengthen their bond with their dogs while keeping their kiddos safe continues to inspire me every day.”
Uruchurtu, CPDT-KA, FPPE, FDM, is the founder and trainer at Orange County-based Calmer Canines, LLC. She became a Licensed Family Paws Parent Educator in 2018, just in time for the birth of her son, Rico. Since then, she has worked mainly with families from pregnancy and adoption through teenage-hood.
Parenting OC: What are some of the biggest issues you’ve seen in new parents with young children and dogs?
Kate Uruchurtu: “One of the biggest issues I see with new parents is complete overwhelm, simply put. Trying to figure out how much to allow their dog to be around their baby, what’s OK and what’s maybe not OK, all while being shown dangerous interactions labeled as ‘cute’ on social media and wondering if that’s what they’re supposed to be doing … it’s a lot. Plus, new parents are barely getting their footing with meeting the needs of their new baby, they’re definitely putting their own needs on the back burner, all while knowing that their dog isn’t getting all of their needs met. It can lead to a lot of guilt and shame, and those feelings only make it feel more overwhelming.”
POC: In planning a family with pets, what are some considerations parents should make?
KU: “When planning a family, parents should know their dog’s unique sensitivities — noises, fast movements, novel objects, balls, physical separation, changes in appearance, strangers, etc. — and look ahead to how that may play out with an infant or child. They should work with a certified and experienced positive reinforcement-based trainer, and often their veterinarian, to help reduce their dog’s reactions and/or anxiety towards these things.
“Living with a baby comes with all sorts of new equipment and toys, and nearly all of them make tons of noise (baby included). Bubbles and balloons may be mistaken for balls — not to mention toy balls of all kinds. Running around and/or playing with RC cars can incite chase. Crates, gates and fences need to be used for safe separation between kids and dogs any time a parent isn’t able to be fully aware, awake and actively supervising interactions, and dog’s who aren’t used to being separated may panic or protest. Babies constantly change in appearance, and even their cries change every few weeks. By the time they are toddlers, kids love to play dress-up during imaginative play. Lastly, babies and kids mean lots of visitors, especially in the early days, and then again when the child begins school and has playdates.
“Parents also need to be mindful of how much physical and mental stimulation — and what kinds — their dog needs in order to be OK in the world, and they may need to be creative in order to meet those needs. As much as our dogs love spending time with us, they are not meant to be sedentary in a house all day, and when they are, it often leads to unwanted and sometimes dangerous behaviors. It’s critical for parents to have a support team for themselves, but also for their dog — friends, family, neighbors, dog walkers, trainers, boarding or daycare, etc.”
POC: What are some definite no-nos in terms of having young kids and pets?
KU: “Everyone knows you should never leave a dog and baby unsupervised, and yet it still happens, and this is when so many tragedies occur between dogs and babies. Even still, supervision only works if you know what to do, what to watch for and how to respond. Some major no-nos include allowing kissing, hugging, riding, picking up or dressing up a dog. All of these activities are almost always seen as threatening behaviors to the dog, and all of them include some form of restraint, which prevents the dog from moving away. [Feeling] trapped often results in a growl, a nip or a bite in an attempt to get the child to stop. Often, very tolerant dogs will ‘kiss to dismiss’ — lick forcefully and intensely in an attempt to gain space from someone who is crowding them — and it gets mistaken for a sign of affection.”
POC: What are some practical tips and tools parents can use to integrate four-legged and two-legged children?
KU: “In Family Paws Parent Education, we like to say, ‘Dog and baby on the scene, parent in between.’ This is a reminder to place yourself physically between your child and your dog so that you can fully manage and direct interactions. If you are tired, distracted — including by screens — or you just really want to enjoy the moment with your child, use physical barriers, such as a gate or play yard, which is too tall for the child or dog to peek over, and consider placing a sheet or blanket over it secured with binder clips to create a visual barrier as well. Make sure to give your pup their own activity, such as mining out a stuffed Kong, a good 10 feet-plus away from the gate/fence.
“Family Paws educators also like to say, ‘Invites decrease bites,’ since patting your legs to call the dog over gives them the option to join you and your child or not — whereas your child approaching the dog can be seen as an invasion of space. A third favorite FPPE phrase of mine is, ‘One hand enough, two hands too rough.’ Petting with two hands can cause a feeling of restraint for the dog, and it often quickly morphs into kissing a dog’s head or giving a dog a hug, which can lead to feelings of discomfort, or even a bite. It’s important to practice inviting the dog over and petting with one hand only with a stuffed dog first, and also remind your kiddo that when the dog walks away petting is all done until next time.”
POC: What are some tips for bringing a baby into a family with dogs vs. bringing a dog into a family with young kids?
KU: “Exercise pens, play yards, gates and crates, or what us Family Paws educators call ‘Success Stations,’ are your best friend whether you are bringing home a baby to a home with dogs, or bringing home a dog to a home with kids. My personal rule of thumb for maintaining sanity as a parent is, ‘No dogs under 2 years old in a home with kids under 5 years old.’ In practice, this means either waiting until your puppy is about a year and a half before getting pregnant, or adopting an adult dog — 3 or 4 is a great age — if any of your kiddos are under 5.
“When bringing home a baby, keep in mind that just like your dog does not need to shove their head into your bags of groceries in order to accept that food exists in your home, your dog does not need to have physical contact with your baby in order to accept their existence. The homecoming phase with a baby is about three months long, which is also often referred to as the fourth trimester for mother and baby. During this time, parents are learning baby’s cues and needs as baby learns what the outside world is about. All the while, the dog is learning what having a baby in the home means. It’s important to keep this in mind because there isn’t one single moment where a dog will decide, ‘I accept this baby into my home now and forever, without issue.’ It’s instead a gradual process of watching the adults interact with and care for baby, witnessing all the changes in mobility and building bonds over time with predictable patterns. Even after those first three months, learning to live with a baby is a continual process for the life of the child, since your child will continue to grow and change. In FPPE, we like to say, ‘Babies grow, dogs age. Adjust at every stage.’
“The reason I recommend adopting adult dogs when you have kids under 5 is because puppies need round-the-clock care, training and careful socialization, which is hard to accomplish before your children can be fairly independent. Time in school also gives you and your puppy a break from the kids, and gives your kids a break from needle-like puppy teeth. Adult dogs are generally somewhat calmer and well past the point of biting everything within reach, and when adopting through a rescue group with foster homes instead of a shelter, they typically have a good idea of how the dog behaves around children — either they are relaxed or they aren’t. Before you bring your dog home, have a trainer who works with families picked out and scheduled, ask the rescue if you can foster-to-adopt, and set expectations for your kids that the dog is ‘just visiting.’ That way if things truly aren’t working out, your kids won’t be devastated by the dog being returned, and if all is going well, the dog can ‘decide to stay forever.’
“Lastly, spend lots of time just hanging out together quietly before trying to do anything super active, and be ready to separate them as needed. While the dog runs around, kids can draw ‘do not disturb’ or ‘doggie resting’ signs to remind themselves to stay away from crates and dog beds, they can braid long fleece strips into ropes or tie short fleece strips onto plastic sink mats to make snuffle mats, and they can fill and freeze food toys like Kongs, Toppls, Pupsicles or LickiMats. While the kids run around, the dog can enjoy any of the goodies that the kids made to keep them calm and occupied.”
By Jessica Peralta
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