Adding a child to your family is an exciting, joyful time! Especially if you have other kids who will become big brothers or sisters. Will they be excited? Yes! But they’ll also feel some other feelings too. From when to tell them to how to help them through it, we have guidance for every step.
Sharing the news
Telling your child as soon as possible will help ease the transition. If you’ve had pregnancy or infant losses before, give yourself permission to wait until you’re emotionally more comfortable. If you know your child enjoys surprises, you can share the news with a cake, or dress the dog up with a cute bandana that says they’re going to be a big brother or sister. Toddler or preschool-age kids may not grasp the aspect of time. Instead of telling them when the baby is due, share the season. “Baby will arrive when it gets really hot outside and we go swimming!”
New sibling, mixed feelings
When you bring a new child into your family, your other kids may experience jealousy and insecurity, or start having more tantrums. It’s also normal to see a sleep regression. A toddler may not show much of a reaction when the parents are pregnant, but may show regression and confusion once the baby is born and becomes more mobile. Preschool-age kids may have a harder time sharing with their new sibling. School-age kids may feel more curious and less threatened by the child. However, pay attention to their stronger value of fairness; they may not understand why the baby is being treated differently at times.
How can you ease the transition?
Include your child in certain decisions. Let your child be a part of setting up the nursery or picking out items for their younger sibling. Teach your child how to interact with babies through doll play, mostly how to be patient and nurturing with the baby. Assign your child a special duty to help out when the baby comes, like holding the wipes while you change the diaper.
Once the baby arrives, let your child be the first and only person to come visit their new sibling. This will help with a sense of belonging and help them start to feel more grounded that this is their new addition to the family.
What are some important dos/don’ts?
Do:
- Spend extra 1:1 time with your child, even after the baby arrives. Make them feel special, and give them lots of extra affection.
- Praise your child when they help out with the baby and treat the baby kindly.
- Continue to validate their complex emotions with the addition of the new baby.
Don’t:
- Force them into being comfortable with the baby; allow all feelings to be present.
- Try to introduce new transition periods, such as potty training.
- Punish them if their behavior regresses. Instead, try to be understanding, and assure them that nobody can take their place — and that you love them very much.
Whether your family is welcoming a new baby or going through other milestones or challenges, you can get free guidance to help you navigate those big feelings. All California families with kids ages 0-12 now get free behavioral health coaching through BrightLife Kids.
Chat with a credentialed expert from the comfort of your home in 30-minute sessions. It’s 100 percent paid for by California –– which means it’s 100 percent free for you. Visit brightlife.kids to get started.
By Dominica Fox-DeMarco, MA, NBC-HWC
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