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Archives for April 2021

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Health & Wellness

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Gaming and Screen Time Pros and Cons Expert Advice
(Photo Courtesy of Stillness InMotion/Unsplash)

How do we balance gaming and screen time with off-screen activities?

All Ages

Let me be clear. I’m not a gamer. But I do spend many hours looking at screens. What are the pros and cons of gaming and screen time from the viewpoints of education and health? And who is to decide what’s too much or just right?

As an educational consultant who speaks to parents about this topic almost daily, I must first say that I don’t claim to know the answer. But there is an answer for each family that can be discovered by both parents and children/teens as they communicate, research and negotiate. Working together with our children and asking them to participate to achieve a mutually acceptable decision shows respect for the children, values their input and gives them some responsibility for and ownership of the final decision. Having a starting place means we all agree to live by the decision until it is revisited and renegotiated. 

How do we start the discussion? Depending on the children’s ages, they can be asked to look into the effects of screen time on overall health. How does it affect our eyes, our brains, our need for physical exercise and our mental health? What do companies do to maximize their hold on our attention? How do we feel after a prolonged period of time on devices? How does it affect our sense of happiness and satisfaction? 

Parents and children can address the above questions and discuss the results of their research. Then the children can be asked to suggest a daily amount of time that they feel would be appropriate for them to spend on devices. Parents can give their feedback and voice their desires for the children to a certain amount of time outdoors in the fresh air, moving their bodies, interacting with people face-to-face, spending time with family members on off-screen activities. Negotiation happens, compromises on both sides are made and a plan that everyone agrees to is enacted for a given period of time, after which the issue can be brought to the table again. All parties are accountable and can be held to the plan. So it’s not “my mean parents” or “my sneaky kids.” It’s the agreement that is the enforcer. It’s not personal. It has been signed on to by all parties. It is followed until it is changed.

As for gaming, there is much to be said both for and against the activity. Children and teens learn a lot from what they choose to play, from communication skills to quick thinking and decision-making, strategy, interdisciplinary content based on the game, etc. It may lead them to want to create games as a career.

The downside is the addictive nature of gaming and its effect on our mental health. It’s hard to stop. The dopamine released into our bodies makes us want to continue. We may also experience highs and lows based on what is happening on the screen, whether it is gaming or social media. It may contribute to anxiety and sleep deprivation.

Every human is different and will be affected in different ways and to differing extents. It’s important to seek a balance, not only with the amount of screen time, but also with the nature of the screen time. A designated portion may be gaming, texting and social media. Another portion can be devoted to reading material to learn things, such as science or history, or creating art or music.

Creating a healthy balance for ourselves and our children applies to many aspects of life. Screen time tends to take up many hours of our days and be a challenge for all modern families. Finding the right balance for your family as a whole and for each individual in the family can be achieved when all members come together and create a mutually acceptable plan.

Game on!

Peggy Webb West River Academy Gaming and Screen Time

Peggy Webb is the founder and director of West River Academy, Dana Point, which is a private K-12 PSP that supports natural learning based on student strengths and interests. She has been consulting with parents and students for 30 years to help them achieve their academic and life goals. She can be reached through her website, westriveracademy.com.

Family Fun, Health & Wellness, Mental Health

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Family Art Skills, Family Wellness

Practicing art as a family can offer benefits in overall well-being and self-care.

The art process can help families strengthen their bond and better appreciate each other’s varied perspectives. It also encourages the family’s creative thinking skills and stimulates the family’s identity as a team. This in turn can help with mental health care and well-being for the family.

The creative expression through the therapeutic art process allows the family to gain new insight about themselves and each other. It fosters creative thinking and is a healthy creative outlet and coping mechanism for the family while allowing the family to connect. It empowers children with confidence and reinforces the building of optimism, resiliency and strength in the family. Art brings the family together to talk, laugh, learn, share ideas  and create.

Creating art together as a family aids in teaching problem-solving skills, self-love and appreciation. Parents can utilize art as a confidence-building tool for their kids because there is no right or wrong way to create art. It is calming and is a fun, healthy activity to do as a family.

Art also aids in emotional expression and allows us to stop, breathe and experience soothing calmness. Art as a family brings joyfulness, can bring out imagination, laughter and a shared love of creating. The creative art-making process brings feelings of pride, success and allows for healthy self-expression and self-awareness.

Some beneficial, fun art workshops and art activities I often do with families include the below. These also make great mom-and-kids activities in time for Mother’s Day.

Outer Space Art Family Wellness
  • A family collaborative painting where the theme or subject of the painting is personalized and each individual’s piece comes together to create one image works well. For example, it could be a special word and symbolization, an abstract design, or images that come together to make a cohesive picture.
  • Family collages are always a great expressive, mindful, relaxing and crafty activity. It is also really great fun for the younger kids. It is a great, playful introduction to art. Collaging could include various soothing and stimulating sensory elements, such as feathers and pom-poms. It could include painting, as well. This is a great activity where the family comes together and adds their own special touches to the artwork, which they can cherish forever, along with the colorful memories.
  • A mommy (or daddy)-and-me art journal is a wonderful tool I like to introduce to families that they can utilize together. It is a safe personal space where parent and child can communicate, express and create daily. Making the journal is a crafty, fun activity and the family can personalize the outside together. Inside they can use almost every kind of art medium they’d like.

The possibilities of art activities to do as a family are endless and so healing. I often enjoy finding, guiding and tailoring the activity specifically for each family, so we can find what is most enjoyable. This in turn will hopefully inspire and motivate to involve art and creativity as a useful tool or mindful activity to do as a unit in each family’s everyday life for healthy coping, self-care, self-love and wellness.

Diana Shabtai

Diana Shabtai, Psy.D., is the owner of Art Therapy OC in Newport Beach. Visit them at arttherapyoc.com or follow them at @ArtTherapyOC.

Local Heroes

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The Give Back Group Local Hero Orange County

OC teens and founders of The Give Back Group find inspiration and community in donating face masks and food in a time of great need.

Three hundred pounds of pasta may seem like a lot, even by COVID-hoarding standards. But for Sage Hill High School sophomores Ingrid Luo and Eleni Engelbrecht, it was just a fraction of what their charity was able to collect to feed hungry families in Orange County.

Besides the abundance of spaghetti, rigatoni, penne and bowtie pasta, The Give Back Group, made up of Luo, Engelbrecht and other Sage Hill students, managed to collect an impressive amount of ingredients through their food drive with OC-based non-profit Bracken’s Kitchen.

“Ultimately, we were able to collect … 31 gallons of chicken broth, 20 gallons of olive oil, 40 pounds of salt and pepper, 24 pounds of granulated garlic, 2 pounds of dried basil, 4 pounds of paprika and 95 pounds of other ingredients,” says Luo, who lives in Irvine. “We were pretty amazed by the generosity of people.”

The Give Back Group was formed in 2020 when the pandemic started, with the initial goal of getting PPE to the frontlines. 

“Personally, my family did not have a single mask and we couldn’t find them in any store locally or online,” recalls Luo.

A family friend from the East Coast shipped some to Luo’s family, but when they heard about doctors and nurses reusing masks for days, they gave them all to friends who worked in hospitals.

“I started to think, as a student, what I could do to help,” Luo says.

She joined forces with her classmates to fundraise for more masks. Luo and Engelbrecht started a GoFundMe to raise money for their efforts and set out to spread the word. 

“After we decided to create our GoFundMe and our mission, it was about reaching out to anyone who could help,” says Engelbrecht. “And people were surprisingly generous.”

The fundraising team was dubbed “The Masketeers” and the girls continuously promoted their progress by tracking and posting their mask donation activities on social media. They initially set a goal of $1,000 but during the summer of 2020, the group raised more than $6,000 and donated 13,155 masks to 19 hospitals, hospices, senior centers and schools.

The Give Back Group Food Donations OC

“To be completely honest, we were pretty amazed that we were able to fundraise so much money,” says Luo.

Inspired by the success of their mask fundraiser, The Masketeers began their next initiative: a food drive to benefit Bracken’s Kitchen. 

“After working on months of mask donations all summer and early fall, our group found out how passionate we really were about helping people, and we wanted to do more,” says Engelbrecht. 

During the fall of 2020, The Masketeers renamed themselves The Give Back Group to conceptually incorporate their wider spread efforts, and began collecting ingredients for Bracken’s Kitchen. The group had a list of ingredients to collect and each team member began the food drive in their own neighborhood. Then the group expanded efforts to campus and beyond. 

“We posted our food drive on social media, handing out the grocery paper bag with fliers attached, setting collection bins at the community center as well as the school campus,” says Luo. “We also created an Amazon shopping list for those who wished to help in a more convenient way.”

The team organized themselves into recipe groups and each group of four or five made goals to drive specific ingredients for each recipe. 

“My group drove a recipe for rigatoni pasta,” says Engelbrecht, of Aliso Viejo. “Initially, we thought that only our parents and neighbors would donate, and we would only each drive around a box full of groceries. Boy, were we wrong!”

Groceries came flooding into their houses and they ended up with 300 pounds of pasta. 

For Luo and Engelbrecht, implementing these charitable initiatives has been a way to connect with peers during a time when everyone has been so far apart physically. 

“I am making new friends and having lots of fun from volunteering,” says Luo. “The more I do it, the more I want to do.”

And Engelbrecht agrees.

“The most rewarding thing is the feeling I get when I do service with this group. Not only does it allow me to do service throughout the pandemic, but working together as a group to create something great for other people really brings me joy.”

Luo and Engelbrecht, along with The Give Back Group, plan to initiate additional efforts in the coming months that include another mask fundraiser, a tutoring program, a performance program for seniors and hospice patients, and more. They also aspire to making the Bracken’s Kitchen Food Drive an annual event. 

By Sarah Mosqueda

Health & Wellness, Mindfulness, OC Moms

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Mindful Mom Meditating for Stress
(Photo Courtesy of Maksim Chernishev/Unsplash)

Learn how practicing mindfulness can help with some of the stresses of motherhood.

Nothing in the world can fully describe the emotional roller-coaster that is motherhood. Motherhood marks a new chapter in a woman’s story and brings with it a new sense of purpose and meaning to life. Mothers experience a myriad of new emotions and a fierce love for their children, like they have never felt before. Nonetheless, motherhood can get overwhelming and exhausting. Some days you may feel like you are being pulled in a thousand different directions, making you feel drained and in desperate need of some peace and quiet. This is where the art of mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness is a free and powerful tool that any mother can use to feel calm and present. Mindfulness has helped thousands of individuals be present in the moment, allowing their minds to be still. Applying mindfulness to your mothering can give you peace of mind, something that seemed to be a thing of the past since you entered motherhood. We will take a look at a few reasons why incorporating mindfulness into your mothering might be the best decision you ever make and a couple of ways you can begin incorporating it into your daily life.

Famous words from Diane Von Furstenberg, “The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.” She is right. We can easily get lost in our children and completely forget about ourselves. The first step of taking care of others is taking care of yourself. If you are not at your best, you cannot give your children your best. Practicing mindfulness allows us to be kind and accepting of ourselves while not giving into negative thoughts, like we are not a good parent or we are not spending enough time with our children, that leave us stressed and frustrated with ourselves. Mindfulness allows you to confidently acknowledge these feelings and process them without feeling overwhelmed by them. With consistent practice, you will feel yourself becoming happier and becoming calmer — allowing you to develop better methods to discipline your children without snapping at them and having better control of your anger.

Bonding with Your Child

There are very few things in the world as unique as the mother-child bond. What if I told you mindfulness could help you have a stronger bond with your child? Mindfulness is all about being completely present in a moment. Practicing mindfulness can help you be fully present in the moments you interact with your child, giving them your undivided attention. It gives you the power to let go of whatever kind of mother you think you should be and enables you to just be with your child and soak in the time you have with them.

Furthermore, mindfulness allows you to be more aware of others and their feelings. Hence it can help you better understand your child’s moods and feelings at the moment and respond to their needs with love and compassion. This can be especially useful the next time your child is throwing a tantrum.

Reduce Overreactions and Better Control Your Emotions

Let’s be honest with ourselves, though you may love your children to bits, you must admit that sometimes they can push you to the limit. Children have this uncanny ability to push us to our absolute limit. However, by regularly practicing mindfulness you may find yourself with the unique ability to have complete control of your emotions. Now we are not saying that you will never get angry or frustrated with your child with your new-found mindfulness. Instead, you will be able to acknowledge these feelings, calmly process them, and discipline your child accordingly. Imagine that you go to your child’s room and find they have decided to decorate their room with a sharpie. While normally your first instinct might have been to yell, with regular mindfulness practice you can handle the situation more calmly and discipline your child without having to yell at them.

Enhance Your Intuition

As a mother, you get advice and information from every corner. Sometimes all this information can get overwhelming and confusing as you wonder which advice to follow and which to disregard. Mindfulness allows you to access the greatest asset any mother has: intuition. Practicing mindfulness can help you intuitively know what feels best for you and your child while effectively catering to their needs with no worries.

Ways You Can Incorporate Mindfulness Into Your Life

  • Take a Breathing Break — A breathing break will do wonders in reducing your stress and anxiety throughout the day. The best part is you can do it anywhere and it will barely take you more than 10 seconds. If you are feeling overwhelmed during the day, take a moment to tune into your breath. You can even put a hand on your chest to help you feel the movement. Whatever the situation, I guarantee you will be calmer once you take a few deep breaths.
  • Savor the Moment — Try to give your full, open, accepting and discerning attention to all your tasks throughout the day. No matter how mundane. Focus on how they make you feel. Find happiness in the moments with your children.

Mindfulness can make your motherhood a delightful experience. However, note that mindfulness is like a muscle, to grow it you need to regularly practice. Incorporating the above methods in your daily life can go a long way in making you a more mindful mother.

Anthony Cupo is a trained mindfulness facilitator (TMF) from the UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. He is a co-owner of Stepping Forward Counseling Center, LLC and has been meditating for over 30 years.

OC Moms

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Find out how these social-media-influencing OC moms are using their platforms to give back. 

Tina Sadri PC Mom Social-media-influencers
(Photo Courtesy of Irma Lomidze)

Tina Sadri

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist  

Family: Husband, Ehsan; Sofia, 9, Siena, 5 

City: Newport Beach 

Handle: @tinasadri on Instagram and TikTok

Website: tinasadri.com

Follower Count: 195K on Instagram

What is the focus of your social media influencing? 

“The overall theme of my social media is living a well-balanced life. I often have clients as a licensed marriage and family therapist who are extremely successful in one or two areas, but are lacking overall happiness. I find that paying equal attention to different compartments of life is the key.”

How did your social media life begin and how has it evolved?

“It started after I experienced severe depression due to physical complications after the birth of my second daughter. It was a very dark road for me and I wasn’t sure I would ever heal. When I was experiencing depression, I promised myself that if I was to ever get better, I would be a spokesperson of depression and mental health. I also promised myself that I would never let fear and judgement get in the way of my happiness and that I would live my best life.”

How does your influencing work? 

“I post a video every Tuesday — called Therapy Tuesdays — where I speak on different topics related to mental health. I have been doing this since the pandemic started and this has brought me more mental health clients [than] I ever imagined.”

How has the pandemic impacted your influencing? 

“The great pandemic, although has been very hard on a lot of businesses, ironically has facilitated the massive growth of the mental-wellness industry, mine included. I wish it wasn’t through such an ordeal that mental health would become important, but I am happy that it has become of value to people all over the world. Due to the challenges and otherwise usual business restrictions, the pandemic forced a lot of interpersonal issues to the forefront. It also meant that people were forced to stay home and go focus more inwards. For me, it meant to use the downtime to start a new website and really focus more on my values and mission statement.” 

How do you give back?  

“I try to divide the way I give back in two different methods: services and resources. I serve in the CHOC Hospital Fundraising Board, which is a non-profit hospital. Our focus is on providing physical and mental health for all the children that may need it, regardless of their insurance or ability to pay for the care. In addition, I give my services through complimentary cases. I find that giving people the right tools to use to live a happy and healthy life is the most rewarding feeling. Financially, I give as much as I personally can and have been involved in many different fundraising events, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by individuals who are always there to support a great cause.”

How do you juggle parenting with influencing, oh and in a pandemic? 

“It’s not easy. At times I feel like I’m being pulled in so many different directions at once, but I absolutely love it. I love being able to juggle different roles at once because it keeps me motivated and energized. It’s really all about priorities for me. I used to socialize during the week with the ladies, now I keep most of the socializing for the weekends. I exercise in the mornings and get all my work done before my kids’ pick-up time. After pick-up, my time is usually dedicated to the the girls. That’s when I take them to their after-school activities, help them with anything they may need, cook dinner and just spend time with them and my husband. I try to shoot my content in batches — different looks in one shoot, I film all my Therapy Tuesdays once a month, and etc. After the girls go to bed is when I reply to my emails, check the DMs and keep in touch with my friends and clients.” 

Advice for moms or others who want to become influencers? 

“Yes, just start and be consistent. It takes hard work and dedication but if it’s your dream, then it’s all worth it. Also, don’t worry about any negative judgment. Regardless of what you do, half the people will love it and half will hate it, so just go for what your heart desires. As long as the intention is good, the rest will follow.”

Katelynn Ansari OC Mom Social-media-influencers

Katelynn Ansari

Rockstar Energy Model Coordinator

Family: Husband, Travis; Cash, 6, Oliver, 1

City: Irvine

Handles: @KatelynnAnsari on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and Pinterest; @AnsariKatelynn on Facebook

Follower Count: 181.5K across all channels

Website: katelynnansari.com

What is the theme of your social media influencing? “Real-life living! I want my community to see my highs, my lows, and everything in between. Social media can be so lonely — especially [when] false perfection is everywhere.” 

How did your social media life begin and how has it evolved? 

“I started in social media as a spokesmodel for various action sports brands. After I had my first son, I realized I was more than a ‘body and a face.’ I started sharing my passions, my journey, daily living, motherhood, etc. I soon realized that my platform was powerful and that I could inspire people from all across the world. I started an ongoing campaign of #LoveCuresAllHate, which promotes doing random acts of kindness to complete strangers. It might be something as simple as returning someone’s cart in the grocery store parking lot, leaving a new laundry soap for use at a laundromat, or buying the person’s coffee behind you in line. The campaign focuses on focusing outside of our own realm and realizing the daily trials of others around us. They aren’t just bodies and strangers, they are people who have unique journeys too.” 

How has the pandemic impacted your influencing? 

“It was a total shift when the pandemic hit. Luckily I have my full-time job to keep those paychecks coming. I had zero creative juice most of the pandemic, so I didn’t post much and spent more time with my family off social media. It was great. Now I just take it day by day, post when I want and check the apps when I want, but it’s not all-consuming like it used to be. I feel like I have a healthy relationship with social media now.”

How do you give back? 

“I have become a huge advocate for human trafficking [causes] and realized that my platform isn’t worth anything if it’s not being a voice for the voiceless. Spreading awareness through my channel has been a godsend. Sometimes I have to take a step back due to the emotional tolls of the topic.”

How does your family get involved with your influencing and philanthropy? 

“My husband is very supportive of anything I want to do and I’m so grateful for that. I am cautiously teaching my oldest about bodily autonomy, feeling safe and trusting his gut. Cash loves chiming in on all my influencer posts and story shares. If you turn the volume up, he’s likely chiming in and copying mama.”

How do you juggle parenting with influencing, oh and in a pandemic? 

“Yikes. Fully transparency: It’s been rough. I had Oliver right when the pandemic hit, so I was juggling a full-time job, homeschooling Cash, breastfeeding/raising a newborn, and just trying to survive. It was a lot. I learned about halfway through that time-blocking was the answer. I set strict boundaries for work and made sure to set my phone down and spend quality time with my family individually and together. I gave myself the grace to cook until I burnt out and then brought in Home Chef to help with the rest. I did a lot of meal-prepping too. I really focused on my family and their well-being to shield them from the pandemic while not putting unnecessary stress on myself to show up on social or do things I couldn’t handle.”

What is the ultimate goal? 

“I’m living it! I have two beautiful boys, a loving husband, a dream job, and much more. Don’t get me wrong, I have my struggles just like the rest — which I always share on my social media — but I think sometimes we get so consumed in goal-setting that we forget to live in the moment and bask in the goals we’ve already achieved.”

Any advice for moms or others who want to become influencers? 

“Take the time to learn everything yourself: graphic design, copywriting and basic photography. Don’t be afraid to be authentically you and use your own voice. The influencer space is so saturated with perfection and filters, but what it’s currently missing is what you bring to the table — which is your story, your voice and your journey. Don’t be afraid to be you and don’t feel like you need to fit in with the rest of the influencers.”

Suzy Leanos OC Mom Social-media-influencers

Suzy Leanos

Freelance Digital Marketer

Family: Husband, Victor; Emilio, 16, Olivia, 11

City: San Juan Capistrano

Handle: @suzysvista on all social media channels

Follower Count: 48K

Website: suzysvista.com

What is the theme of your social media influencing?  “The focus of my social media is about my lifestyle, family, food, entertainment and causes that I care about. I am like your know-it-all-first friends, but on Instagram because I share about the newest foods, movies or toys before they come out and tell you all about it.”

How did your social media life begin and how has it evolved? 

“Several years ago I wanted to get a job in social media and companies were asking for writing samples or personal blogs and I didn’t have one. I started a blog with an Instagram account to share my life as a military family and the fun stuff we did. I shared brands that I was using every day and companies started to reach out to give me free stuff in exchange for a social media post. My influencing has evolved and grown because I have joined influencer networks, attended conferences and networked.”

How has the pandemic impacted your influencing? 

“It halted influencer work and a couple of my influencer campaigns were cancelled. There were also no campaigns being offered during the summer of the pandemic because everything was unknown. The biggest thing that was impacted for me during the pandemic was events because attending events is a big part of my influencing. Events like conferences, brand parties, restaurant invites, expos, grand openings, etc. were all cancelled because of the pandemic. At events is where I get to meet people that represent the brand or company and get to know them in real life.”

How do you give back? 

“My inspiration for philanthropy has been all the non-profits I have volunteered with or gotten services from. I believe that sharing your personal story attached to a philanthropy cause can help someone else in their journey and the non-profits are the organizations that offer the help you can’t. I have posted for American Cancer Society because they helped me when I went through my thyroid cancer. I have posted about Blue Star Families because they always conducted military family events we attended while my husband served and gave us holiday gifts. I have posted about Feeding America because as a child we received food from a food bank. I give back to charities that I have a personal connection with because I want to be authentic with my influencing. I also received a huge inspiration from working at United Way for four years and got to work with many non-profit organizations.”

How does your family get involved with your influencing and philanthropy? 

“My kids actually take a lot of my photos for me. They are very involved in my influencing because I take them to events and they get to test food or products I receive. They have been involved in philanthropy since they were little when I worked for United Way and took them to the local food distribution to volunteer.” 

You served in the military as well?

“I joined the Marine Corps right after high school and served for four years. My inspiration for joining the military was the idea of serving our country and being part of something bigger than myself. I wanted to give back and serve our country because it seemed like the right thing to do as a child of immigrant parents.”

How do you juggle parenting with influencing, oh and in a pandemic? 

“I juggle influencing and parenting by including them as much as possible when I create content. I bring my kids along when I have to pick up some food from a restaurant and go to the beach to take photos. I make the influencer work like a little outing or experience for them, especially now during the pandemic, because they have been spending all their time in the house.”

Did you ever imagine you’d become an influencing philanthropist? 

“I never imagined that I could be a philanthropist and a social influencer because I didn’t think people cared about causes like I did, but I found out that they do. People are super passionate about philanthropy and especially if it is a current social issue that is affecting society. I also got creative and thought about how I could use my voice on social media to amplify a non-profit’s message and social media influencing was the right choice.”

Bonnie Stone OC Mom Social-media-influencing

Bonnie Stone

Full-Time Influencer 

Family: Husband, Jacob; step-son, Oliver, 8, Charlie, 3, Crew, 7 months 

City: Huntington Beach

Handle: @haveakidtheysaid

Follower Count: 41K on Instagram 

Philanthropy Group: Ronald McDonald House Charities of Southern California

Website: haveakidtheysaid.com

What is the theme of your social media influencing? “Motherhood/parenting + DIY projects + affordable style finds for kids.”

How did your social media life begin and how has it evolved?  

“I was two months postpartum with my first child, Charlie, and on maternity leave. I desperately wanted to find a way to replace my income working at True Food Kitchen and be able to be a full-time stay-at-home [mom]. I had been following another local influencer mama, @whatdoesnotexist, whom I’d never met but admired and just thought to myself — ‘If she can do it, I can do it.’ So I thought of a witty and relatable handle that resonated with my personality and our life, created a blog and just started taking curated photos of our daily life. I had no idea what I was doing, like nooooo idea at all, so I spent hours watching how others were doing it and kinda just jumped on the bandwagon and, believe it or not, it took off. Aside from my raw, real and very transparent sharing of all things motherhood, it helped having a child that literally provided those ‘have a kid they said … it will be fun they said’ moments daily. I’ve found that people like relatable situations and circumstances, especially in motherhood. It truly makes you feel less alone in a very lonely and emotional world.” 

How has the pandemic impacted your influencing? 

“While on the positive side, the pandemic has allowed me to cultivate incredible relationships just by sharing the truths behind being a stay-at-home mom during lockdown, navigating virtual learning with a third-grader all while pregnant or taking care of a newborn and toddler. I’ve also been able to focus more on sharing DIYs, rental home decor updates and really spend time focusing on what matters in life, and how I can use my platform to make the biggest impact in the lives of others. Conversely, the pandemic has slowed a lot of jobs for me and has really caused so much extra stress. Being a stay-at-home mom of three is a lot to begin with, let alone during a pandemic, then add in negotiating with brands, creating content and spending countless hours engaging with others.” 

How do you give back? 

“My biggest way of giving back is by cultivating relationships and friendships in my community and bringing everyone together. I used to host monthly mom meet-ups, which were the best form of motherhood support anyone could ask for, but when the pandemic hit, those had to stop. I was at a turning point and felt very lost. I didn’t know how to use my platform to create an impact in others’ lives on a larger scale. It wasn’t until I realized the power of virtual fundraising for causes near and dear to so many families’ lives that I found my new path and purpose.”

How do you juggle parenting with influencing, oh and in a pandemic? 

“Let’s just say it’s brutal. I take a lot of showers, you know the only room that has a lock on the door kind of a thing, and pray for patience and guidance. I have been doing this for three years and I am still figuring out the perfect balance. Overall, this job has allowed be to provide so many incredible opportunities for my children that I otherwise would not be able to. Let’s not forget to add in juggling being a wife on top of all of this. I am thankful I have the most supportive husband ever who puts up with all my crazy ideas and even helps me execute them. 

What is the ultimate goal? 

“To positively impact as many parents’ lives as possible and normalize the day-to-day hardships of parenting that many are ashamed to share on social media.” 

Any advice for moms or others who want to become influencers? 

“It takes thick skin but if you are passionate and open to sharing your life with the world, I say do it and don’t wait. My biggest piece of advice would be to be persistent, authentic and have integrity — in doing so you will find success.” 

Shraddha Patel OC Mom Social-media-influencers

Shraddha Patel 

Senior Recruiter at University of California, Irvine

Family: Husband, Hitesh; Jai, 9, Shailen, 7

City: Irvine 

Handles: @thechaimommas @thechaigirls on Instagram

Follower Count: 11K for @thechaimommas and 3K for @thechaigirls

Website: chaimommas.com

What is the focus of your social media influencing? 

“We are a team of women and mothers who aim to provide a daily dose of inspiration to our community by sharing our honest experiences, stories and more in a safe, compassion-filled and fun space. Chai Mommas is focused on more motherhood topics and stories. Chai Girls is for all women. And while we focus a lot on South Asian women, mothers, brands and companies, we are here for everyone and everyone is welcome!”

How did your social media life begin and how has it evolved?

“What began as four women connected by one person in common, turned into a deep friendship, which turned into real sisterhood. We created this blog back in 2011 as a place to let our creative side flow and as an outlet to being first-time moms. We had each other and knew we could get through anything because of our support and love for one another, but we could have never imagined that our stories and shares would end up being the warm hug, the loving embrace and the positivity to make another woman not feel so alone in her journey. We never knew it could evolve into what it is now, a true and fast growing community of over 10,000 engaged women who share in honesty and without fear of judgement.”

How has the pandemic impacted your influencing? 

“The pandemic really brought our core team together and even resulted in growth for us. We expanded so much from a merge with the Happy Her Foundation to bringing on an associate editor and parenting vertical lead to also creating and managing a team of over 50 content contributors. We really feel that the pandemic gave us an opportunity to really take a deeper dive into the company, our long- and short-term goals and make a plan-of-action. While it’s still a work-in-progress, we feel like we have really made a lot of major things happen in 2020 and continue with that momentum, that passion into 2021!”

How do you give back?

“Our Chai Mommas’ motto includes lifting others in need. Embedded in our core values and a huge part of our why and mission is to give back. Every event, every product and in every way, we are connected to charity. It is engrained in us. In our history, we have campaigned and raised monies for many non-profits, some of which are the Just Like My Child Foundation, Unity SME, Mission Save Her, CHOC Children’s, Rady Children’s Hospital, EmbraceRace, Desai Foundation, the Gandhi Ashram and Manav Sadhna.”

How does your family get involved with your influencing and philanthropy? 

“From being toted around to events like the Unity SME winter charity events to actually packing Rakhis for our Raksha Bandhan projects over the years, our kids understand the value of helping those around us to truly make for a better world.”

How do you juggle parenting with influencing, oh and in a pandemic? 

“The juggle is real! We recently posted a reel on this on Instagram that did really well and it just honed in on the idea that we have to take it day by day. Almost minute by minute in the juggle of balancing it all. Deep breaths, meditation, dance parties and lots of chai.”

What is the ultimate goal? 

“Our ultimate goal is continue as many stories of women to help them heal, grow and shine in the process to as many people as we can. We also are working on several projects, including coordinating a women’s wellness retreat and writing our first book. We are just so excited to continue these projects, keeping giving back to others at the heart center of it all.” 

Any advice for moms or others who want to become influencing philanthropists? 

“My advice would be to find your cause. It has to be something you really believe in. Lean into the things that have shaped you and affected your life. Really had impact. Figure out your why. And then set goals. Be consistent. Don’t give up if you truly believe in it, because it’s hard, but remember: Even if you are able to help or impact one person, it still is making a difference.”  

By Jessica Peralta 

Inspiration, Special Needs

Published Admin Only:

JF Shea Therapeutic Riding Center Special Needs
(J.F. Shea Therapeutic Riding Center)

We profile some local families with special needs and the challenges they’ve faced through the pandemic.

J.F. Shea Therapeutic Riding Center

San Juan Capistrano

Parents: Krysti and Brendan Crafts

Kids: Olivia Griffin, 7, Brooklyn Griffin, 5, Juliette Crafts, 3, Savannah Crafts, 20 months

City: San Clemente

Special needs background: Juliette was born weighing 5.5 pounds, a week early, with low muscle tone and developmentally delayed. She began physical therapy at 6 months because she was not able to sit on her own. At about 14 months she started walking, but she still was not talking. “We were at a loss as to what to do next and it wasn’t until we were at the Shea BBQ in 2019 that we got our answer,” said Krysti. “Shea 100 percent changed her life for the best.” 

Brooklyn was progressing well until about 1. She wasn’t talking much and wasn’t able to hear out of her left ear. She had tubes put in when she was 13 months old and started speech therapy at 22 months. “That is also when we learned that she had sensory issues,” said Krysti. “She would tip-toe walk, didn’t like certain food textures, did not like wearing certain clothes with rough or scratchy fabrics.”

Savannah was also developmentally delayed and had some low muscle tone. “We talked to Shea about getting Savannah in the program and we all agreed it would be the best thing for her, but then the world stood still with COVID,” said Krysti. “But that did not stop Shea from helping her. We got to meet the amazing Mr. Matt Hueburt via Zoom.” 

Now all three girls are receiving hippotherapy (equine-assisted therapy) at The Shea Center. Juliette and Brooklyn receive physical therapy and occupational therapy and Savannah receives physical therapy. A typical session is about 45 minutes and involves games, poses and other therapeutic activities all while riding a horse. Once they are done, they can visit with other horses and they get to give their horses treats. 

How has life changed during the pandemic for your family?

“Life came to a dramatic halt when COVID hit. We went from our normal routine of school, Shea, dance, etc. to nothing at all. It was really hard for the girls in the beginning because their normal routines were taken away from them. We learned to navigate life as best we could as a family. Then once restrictions were lifted a little bit in June, they were able to go back to their happy place and they picked up right where they left off.”

What challenges did you experience?

“The challenges were that their normal routine was taken away from them. They had no outlet for energy, social emotional, nothing. They had their immediate family but that was it. They struggled with not seeing grandparents, cousins and friends. They didn’t have the therapies they needed on a daily basis.”

Are there specific issues that came up?

“Socially/emotionally is where we noticed the biggest change in the girls. Juliette mostly because she had come so far before the lockdown and when it happened she didn’t have her PT to keep up her muscle tone. When we finally were able to come back she had reverted back in so many ways and it was a challenge for the first month back. They all had attachment issues and didn’t want to leave me and for Savannah it was the hardest because she was so little and had not been around people for so long that for her it was hard to be around people that she didn’t know and with face masks on. It was different for sure. Brooklyn behaviorally reverted back a little bit. There were more meltdowns and harder days, but we learned to navigate it all and since we have been back we have come so much further than we had before.”

What has helped?

“Honestly just being a tight-knit family helped in so many ways. We are the biggest cheerleaders for our children and we just want them to succeed so we just took it day by day and worked with them and reassured them that it was all going to be OK and we loved them so much.”

What advice do you have for other special needs families living through this time?

“Don’t give up. We are truly all in this together and there are going to be hard days and good days, but reach out to friends and family for support. Don’t think you have to do it all alone. We are so thankful that we have Shea and our family there.”

RAD (Rising Above Disabilities) Camp Special Needs

RAD (Rising Above Disabilities) Camp

Irvine 

Parents: Katie Webb Brundige and Robert Timothy Brundige, Jr. 

Kids: Alexander, 20 months

City: Orange

Special needs background: Alexander has Prader-Willi syndrome. “PWS, as it’s more commonly known, is a chromosome abnormality affecting the 15th chromosome,” said Brundige. “At birth, it appears as an inability to thrive with low muscle tone as well as difficulty eating, among several other complications. As he gets older, his metabolism will change a lot, so his struggles will revolve around food, as well as the possibility of developmental disabilities. Although there are struggles, to us, he is perfect. We call him our designer baby. He has the cutest curly hair, the best smile, and loves to cuddle. We couldn’t ask for anything more.” 

You are in the process of adoption? 

“He came home to us when he was 3 months old. Due to COVID-19, and with all the closures in the government offices, the process has taken a lot longer than anticipated. We hope to officially adopt him by the summer of this year.”

How did RAD start? 

“In 2014, RAD Camp was founded out of a drive and passion to do more for the special needs community. Meghan Clem — RAD’s second co-founder and my partner in all things — and I knew that we could do more for this community, a large group that was in desperate need at the time. … Most recently, we established RAD Club, which is an offering built from the pandemic, where we can reach campers wherever they reside to provide them with fun, interactive and adaptable content along with a virtual community for them to interact and belong.”

How has life changed during the pandemic for your family? 

“Before the pandemic, my husband had just received a promotion and was traveling frequently. I was also working 50-plus-hour weeks and we were shuffling our schedules making sure Alex was getting what he needed. Once the pandemic hit, we were all at home, virtually overnight. Tim’s schedule went to his laptop only; mine was working through rescheduling more than 70 events for our Intertwined Events’ clients in 2020, and Alex’s therapies were all moved to Zoom. In some ways though, it’s been a blessing. We’ve since had the chance to spend so much time with Alex and really focus on him, so he could flourish and thrive. We saw such tremendous growth in him from March to summer of 2020 and that has been our silver lining of the pandemic, so far.”

What challenges have you experienced? 

“It was so challenging to ask for help. … We were also working through RAD Camp parents begging us to figure something out. Camp is a lifeline for so many, so they instantly knew the pandemic would be an issue for us all. Everywhere I turned, I was dealing with the emotions associated with people’s disappointment. We were working long hours to try to navigate this, all while babysitters and family were no longer able to help with Alex, and therapies were shut down.” 

What therapies does he receive?  

“He gets two hours of physical therapy, two hours of occupational and feeding therapy, one hour of hippotherapy, one hour of infant STEM (on Zoom), and 30 minutes of water therapy each week. We are about to add an hour of speech therapy to the schedule, too.”

Are there specific issues that came up? 

“Alexander is medically fragile. He has pulmonary issues — which have a greater concern with regards to COVID-19. That meant that when others were being a little laxer, we had to buckle down and tried to really keep our circle very close. At the same time, we go to doctor’s offices and therapist’s offices all the time, so we have been in sensitive areas consistently, too. We had to be diligent and ensure we were taking care of ourselves, mapping out all of the necessary precautions, and walking the fine line of ensuring we were getting him the care he needed, but not putting him in harm’s way.”

How has your son been able to continue his therapies?

“We were originally on Zoom sessions from March until September 2020, but Alex was not making the progress I knew we could be making in person. It was hard to see. Finally, we talked to our support group at Regional Center and at Beach Kids Therapy Center to come up with a plan we were comfortable with to bring him back to in-center-based therapy. We are so grateful we have been able to go back. He was falling behind quickly then and I can see we are finally picking up pace once more.” 

Blind Children’s Learning Center Special Needs

Blind Children’s Learning Center

Santa Ana

Parents: Diana and Valentin Gonzalez

Kids: Jayden, 3, Max, 18 months

City: Santa Ana

Special needs background: Jayden was diagnosed with hydrocephalus, absent corpus callosum, multiple congenital abnormalities, hypoplasia of the optic nerve and is blind in the right eye. “Jayden had his first surgery when he was just two days old when the doctors drained the spinal fluid that was built up in his head to relieve the pressure,” said Diana. “Jayden’s newest diagnosis is that he has global developmental delays. Due to Jayden’s vision impairment he has to wear glasses not just to see, but to protect his eyes. We were in the process of getting Jayden a soft prosthetic lens because surgery was out of the question due to possibilities of him losing his eyesight completely. For Jaden’s safety, he wears a helmet when he practices his walking and also has ankle braces that help him stabilize his balance.” 

What therapies does Jayden receive at BCLC?

“Jayden attended an infant stimulus program through BCLC until he turned 3 years old. Jayden’s teacher, Alicia, helped Jayden accomplish many of his goals. When Jayden was 12 months old, he had a difficult time with textures. By the time he was 16 months, he enjoyed play time in the sand at the beach and on the grass. Now Jayden is 3 years old and rolling down hills, loving every minute of it. He was also receiving speech therapy. Speech has helped him so much because he went from being 100 percent non-verbal to learning how to communicate through ASL. Jayden knows his basic communication words like ‘thank you,’ ‘please,’ ‘excuse me,’ ‘eat,’ ‘bathroom’ and many more.” 

How has life changed during the pandemic for your family?

“Life has changed in so many ways. Jayden had a hard time adjusting to all the changes — he didn’t understand why he had to see his teachers through a screen rather than in person, didn’t and still doesn’t understand why we have to wear face masks, etc. We always spent time together as a family when we were off work and school. Due to the pandemic my husband had to travel to work in the Bay Area. Those months were long and emotional because Jayden and Max would only see their father through FaceTime when he was out of town. Valentin would drive seven hours to come see us when he was off, but we felt it was not enough. Jayden also had surgery in December during the pandemic and only I was able to be with him after he woke. During this pandemic, we also lost loved ones and because of Jayden’s health history, we were unable to travel to say our goodbyes to those loved ones.” 

What challenges has Jayden experienced?

“Jayden was deprived of being able to be social with others because of the pandemic. He was not able to learn how to play with other children who were around his age. His physical activities went from exploring outdoors to watching music videos and playing indoors with toys. The fact that we had no face-to-face sessions heavily impacted with Jayden’s schedule. He was not able to concentrate sitting behind a screen due to his vision impairment. Doctors visits were cancelled multiple times due to the pandemic. It was difficult to manage the anxiety levels without being able to go out as a family.”

Are there specific issues that have come up?

“In-person physical therapy sessions were cancelled for many months, causing Jayden to fall behind in his progress. He is just now catching up, but we are still unable to get approval for his walking equipment until he can be evaluated again in person.” 

How has Jayden been able to continue services at BCLC through the pandemic?

“We first had over-the-phone sessions through FaceTime, then moved to telehealth services, followed by Zoom sessions. Just recently we were able to return to campus, which has been different, but definitely worth the whole process.” 

What advice do you have for other special needs families living through this time?

“The best thing that I can advise other families is that this all will pass and we will soon be able to return to our normal lives, but for now, this is our new normal. That said, we should not be alone. We need to stay strong and stick together. Don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help.” 

Related Stories:

Reimagine Special Needs Through the Pandemic

Reimagine

Fullerton Campus

Parents: Sheila Luna and Andrew Osorio

Kids: Matthew Osorio

City: Whittier

Special needs background: “Matthew suffered a hypoxic event at birth, meaning there was lack of oxygen to his brain during his birth causing brain injury,” said Luna. “This lead to his primary diagnosis hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), which also developed seizures, cerebral palsy, sleep apnea and several global developmental delays.” 

What therapies does he receive at Reimagine? 

“Reimagine provides speech, occupational and physical therapy. This program encourages children to learn through play in addition to the therapist taking the time to work with each child one-on-one. … Matthew has gained so many new skills since starting Reimagine. From being introduced to a walker to learn to become more independent to learning how to self-feed and learning to be more social with his peers by crawling to them. In addition to all this, Reimagine also provides the parents with a 30-minute class a month that focuses on a certain therapy and provides different skills to help us better understand and be able to continue the progress at home.” 

How has life changed during the pandemic for your family? 

“The pandemic has affected our lives significantly. Our normal day routines and roles changed due to this. Not only did we have to be parents, but we also became Matthew’s teacher, speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational therapists while trying to have Matthew participate, and maintain the rest of the household. Like the rest of the world, Matthew was not able to attend school and his much-needed therapies. For a child with special needs, Zoom video sessions were not ideal or effective. We were doing our best we could, but it was heartbreaking to see that all the progress we had achieved was slowly disappearing. Matthew missed his social interaction with his peers and even teachers and therapists. Adjusting to life being this new norm was hard for all but especially the children.” 

What was a typical day like pre- vs. post-pandemic? 

“Our life was normally filled with schedules, appointments, and a whole lot of busyness. Once the closures began, we had to figure out a new routine for Matthew. We tried to keep his schedule the same as much as possible, but it was a hard adjustment for him. This new change led to behavior since he is not able to understand what’s going on and why he can’t attend his activities. As parents we had to take a step back and realize that expectations had to be more flexible.” 

What has helped? 

“Working hand-in-hand with Matthew’s therapists has helped overcome some of these challenges. They understand that with his special needs, a virtual setting is unrealistic so they have helped us by guiding us and giving us essential resources and tools to be able to better cater to his needs during this time. I have also heavily depended on my fiance Andrew’s help during this time because trying to do it all can be hard on everyone.”

How has Matthew been able to continue services at the center through the pandemic?

“Reimagine has done a phenomenal job providing virtual telehealth services during the closure. The telehealth service consists of music the children enjoy, just like circle time at the center. They also offered a free weekend virtual dance class done by a very sweet and patient volunteer, Elliana Kim. Providing these services has given the children some type of normality and has given them the chance to strive and help them engage and interact during these difficult times. On top of that, Reimagine has gone above and beyond for all the families. They provided care packages for all their participants and families. They would schedule a drive-by at a day and time that was convenient for all the families. Even though Reimagine has resumed services at the center, they still offer virtual telehealth circle time on Wednesdays for the families that are not ready to return.”

What advice do you have for other special needs families living through this time? 

“It is OK to break the structure and routines sometimes because the norms of today have made having that hard. We need to be able to be flexible with expectations and the daily changes. We need to take it day by day and cater to [our] children the best way we can. As parents we are playing so many roles right now, so we also have to remember about self-care. We also need to take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of our families.”

YMCA OC Inclusion Program Special Needs Through the Pandemic

YMCA OC Inclusion Program 

Arroyo YMCA, Santa Ana

Parents: Victoria and Gerardo Chavez

Kids: Aiden Jimenez, 8, Christopher Chavez, 4, Sophia Chavez, 3

City: Tustin

Special needs background: Aiden was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. Christopher has a speech delay — he did not start speaking until he was 4.

How did you learn about the YMCA Inclusion Program? 

“Aiden started receiving services in June of 2018,” said Victoria. “We learned about the services through Help Me Grow. We previously had him at another preschool and they were seeing signs of aggression towards the teachers and other students — they advised we reach out to Help Me Grow as a resource. They had us reach out to the YMCA as they provided 1:1 service. They came and evaluated him and saw the same things we were seeing. They said there was an opening at the Y on the Arroyo campus, which was not too far from us. I called the location and signed him up and it was the best decision we ever made. We hold the Y accountable for a lot of the progress Aiden has made.” 

What therapies does he receive there? 

“Aiden has an Inclusion facilitator that is provided for him. The 1:1 support helps Aiden to stay focused on social goals. Pre-pandemic we were seeing a good amount of progress. Aiden struggles with eloping and aggression/frustration. Before the pandemic he was learning how to appropriately express or manage his emotions and was able to accept a ‘no’ answer as the answer without eloping or showing aggression. It has been important for us to get him back into that setting as we were seeing a decline in his behavior at home.”

How has your family’s involvement come into play in meeting goals? 

“Distance learning has given us the opportunity to see firsthand his ability to learn and where he needs support the most. With this newfound knowledge we can better understand and guide him at home.”

How has life changed during the pandemic for your family? 

“Before the pandemic we did not get to spend as much time with each other. … The pandemic has allowed us to grow together more as a family. We get to see the kids grow and hit milestones that we might not have been able to see before due to our hectic schedules.”

What challenges have you experienced? 

“As a family with special needs children, the pandemic has brought us many challenges, such as trying to balance working from home and distance learning with both of our boys. Aiden felt a sense of anxiety when we first explained what was happening in the world. We would go on car rides and he would not allow us to roll down the window. He felt and talked about the possibility that we would catch the virus if we rolled down the window. As time went on, he was able to better understand the importance of properly washing your hands and wearing a mask. Lockdown has also limited us from being able to see our families, which was a normal routine and important to their social growth. It’s also impacted activities that would help address his sensory needs.”

Are there specific issues that have come up? 

“We have noticed less patience and high energy due to the limitation of outdoor activities. We noticed Aiden was requesting more alone time as he seemed more sensitive to noises.”

What has helped? 

“The biggest thing to help overcome the challenges that Aiden has faced was returning to the Y. He was able to continue with his social progress along with physical activities.”

How have services at the center continued?

“We are glad that the Y has reopened. They have done a phenomenal job maintaining social distancing and reassuring us that Aiden is in a safe environment.”

What advice do you have for other special needs families living through this time? 

“Communicate, communicate, communicate. It is important to ask questions whether it be to their teachers, support services, child care. Ask for details on how their visits or just their day went.”

By Jessica Peralta 

Inspiration, Learning Resources, Special Needs

Published Admin Only:

Parenting & Asperger's
(Photo Courtesy of Mick Haupt/Unsplash)

A local expert offers advice for parents of children with Asperger’s to help them thrive through challenging times. 

By Michael Uram 

Kids can thrive in the face of incredible challenges — including a year-long stay-at-home order — with the right tools. So long as we listen to them, respect their boundaries, understand their needs, and guide them to healthy activities, they have a great chance of success. It’s so much work as a parent to support their success and growth and have a balanced life. Over the past year, we have had to let go of our control over so many of our expectations, routines and boundaries for everyone’s mental health and peacefulness. We are approaching a time where a sense of normalcy also means a return to our children experiencing potentially triggering situations, schools, peers and a lingering fear of the unknown. 

Children with Asperger’s syndrome are especially vulnerable to experiencing distress when faced with going beyond their expected comfort zone, schedule and familiar faces. As a parent, you feel the obligation to do your best to make this transition into the outside world as comfortable and welcoming as possible. Here are a few ideas that may help your child tolerate the discomfort of these experiences:

Emotion-Based Planning

While front-loading your child with all the expected events, people and sensory experiences that they may face is the ideal method, I have found a slightly simpler method to be just as effective. Emotion-based planning can get to the core of what your child is truly seeking. They want to feel excitement, enjoyment and satisfaction. They just may not know how to predict that they would feel a certain emotion and certain settings. So, they go to extreme lengths to make sure that they’re not feeling negative emotions by going toward what’s predictable, safe and expected. So, next time that you go to the grocery store, let your child know how satisfying it would be to open the cupboard and find their favorite cereal there the next time they want to have breakfast. Remind them how excited they would be whenever they learn how to cook their favorite dessert. Whenever we connect positive emotions to experiences, avoidance decreases. 

Self-Soothing

Be aware of what your child needs to self-soothe, and they will likely have less meltdowns. Many children with Asperger’s have intense sensory sensitivities that are not always predictable or consistent. Whenever a child has a negative experience with a sensory trigger, they often remember it and respond with increasingly stronger avoidance each time that they interact with the trigger. It is important as a parent to consult with an occupational therapist and obtain sensory-friendly soothing items that your child can have on them when needed to cope. I suggest that you trust your child when they tell you that they are overwhelmed, and exit an overwhelming environment, while helping them self-soothe. They can then let you know what was overwhelming to them and develop a plan. Many parents try to help their children endure this overwhelming stress, which leads to more intense emotions and a lack of trust. Ironically, fidget-spinners weren’t marketed as a soothing device, even they were incredibly successful at helping children slow down their brains to observe this thing spin for a minute or two, calming their bodies and calming their senses. Over the past year, I have found that many kids at home have gotten back into playing with Legos and “Minecraft.” There is even a type of therapy called Lego therapy, which teaches children cooperation skills, tactile awareness and self-advocacy. I often play “Minecraft” with kids in therapy. It is incredibly soothing and satisfying to build for hours at a time. 

Slowing Down

When your child has difficulties communicating exactly what they are experiencing, it is incredibly important to just slow down and help them break down an overwhelming situation into individual parts. Anytime the child that I’m working with says that they don’t know what they’re really feeling, I make it an opportunity to practice connecting their thoughts with their feelings. In most situations in life if we’re able to figure out what is truly irritating us, we have a much higher chance of resolving the issue instead of leaving and avoiding the situation. 

Connecting

Children with Asperger’s are often more interested in developing friendships than children with autism. I have found that through the pandemic, many local kids have been gaming with each other, using Discord or FaceTime. I would encourage you to not restrict this time if possible. Our kids have been so deprived of social interaction over the past few months, that I have seen them really shine after connecting with a friend, having a great time, or even sometimes getting very frustrated and working through their emotions with peers, rather than their parents or siblings. They need a break from us as much as we need a break from them sometimes. 

Using collaborative problem-solving, where you show your child a lot of empathy, identify some concerns and develop a long-term agreement on how to approach common roadblocks as a family, rather than as a boss, will really help you connect with your child emotionally. They have just gone through the most difficult year of their lives and are ready to have fun. Let’s give them every opportunity to live life to its fullest from here on out. 

Michael Uram is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Orange County, and author of “Parenting & Asperger’s.”

Uncategorized

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Inspiring Creative Minds Through Quality Music Education

Southwest Conservatory provides a high-quality learning experience for all students, with teachers who are specialists on their instruments. Our community of students ranges in age from 4 – adult.

Online and In-Person Lessons*

  •  University trained, experienced teachers
  • Recitals, Evaluations
  • Group or Private Lessons

FREE Introductory Lesson!

VISIT OUR WEBSITE

CALL: 714-964-3410
EMAIL: [email protected]

18430 Brookhurst Street, Suite 101, Fountain Valley, CA 92708
*In-person lessons will resume when safe.

Parenting OC