I thought I had it all…a wonderful husband who provided well for our family, three healthy and happy children and the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom who writes ‘The Great American Novel’. Well, I’m not on the best sellers list, and most of that novel I fantasize about getting published is still in my head, but my home life is wonderful. The ‘stay at home’ party has just come to an end. My husband and I have decided that it’s time for me to go back to work.
Our triplets are nine and (hopefully) beyond the neediest years of childhood. College tuition for three students is looming ahead of us as well as an underfunded retirement. It’s time for mama to bring home a bit more bacon.
But wait! I love sitting in my car in front of my kids’ elementary school reading Malcom Gladwell’s musings on living a successful life till the school bell rings. When I come into my kids’ line of sight they run full speed toward my car as if they were just released from Juvie. It warms my heart…cuz they weren’t doing time, they’re just happy to see me.
Each time I interview for a job I feel myself getting closer and closer to the day when I can no longer brush my daughter’s hair in the morning, or remind my son to wear his glasses to school. I’ll most likely already be on the 5 freeway headed to my new job by the time they start chewing on their morning muffins.
I’m filled with conflict about all this. Its’ time to move on to a different family dynamic, I know…but that knowledge doesn’t make the transition any easier. I’ve taken great pride in being completely present for my kids over the last decade. Will they still come running when I walk through our front door as night falls on a long workday? Will I still feel like my kids’ Super Hero…even when I’m not around to kiss every boo boo or settle every score? (My triplets seem to bug the crap out of each other on a daily basis even though they are inseparable).
It’s a great feeling knowing that just the sight of you gives your children tremendous comfort. Here’s a question for you working moms…how do you deal with mommy guilt? I’d love to hear from you.