I have a secret I’d like to share with you, if you care to listen—or in this case, read. I have an affliction. The symptoms: constantly questioning decisions (“Maybe I’ll make chicken cacciatore. But I’m so tired… I’ll just warm up leftovers. Forget it—we’ll go out for Chinese… You know, I should really make dinner... I wonder if Jade Garden has a Kids’ Menu?”); feeling guilty all or most of the time (“I’m such a bad mom—he’s watching this dang Thomas the Train video for the fourth time while I sit on the couch, totally zoned out, wishing for a glass of Chardonnay,”; trying to raise a Superhuman (“Oh my gosh, I better pick the right preschool or he’ll NEVER get into Harvard…”).

Am I the only one who reels from inadequacy because I’ve decided to pack frozen veggies in my kid’s lunchbox instead of opting for the fresh, organic kind? Will people really care that I’ve made straight-from-the-box blueberry muffins instead of baking them from scratch? Is it bad that I absolutely LOVE being a mom but hate doing it sometimes?

My diagnosis: I have Perfect Mom Syndrome. I strive for white carpet. I wince when my refrigerator isn’t categorized according to food groups. I feel responsible if my son doesn’t have the perfect birthday party. It’s what Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile call “The Fake Cupcake Problem” in their hilarious and oh-so-honest book, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids.

“Would passing off store-bought cupcakes as homemade really be a terrible offense?” Ashworth and Nobile write. “Let’s be upfront about it: motherhood can be humbling, inspiring, rewarding, boring, banal, dirty and up-and-down. It’s also way too out-of-control an experience to discuss in unnuanced, romanticized terms.”

As we put together this month’s Extraordinary People issue, it got me thinking about what makes a parent “extraordinary.” Playing Betty Crocker or teaching your kid to read before he turns 2 is certainly not the measure. “Raising happy, respectful, well-adjusted kids who become positive contributors to society,” is what one of my girlfriends, Leticia, shared with me recently. I couldn’t agree with her more.

As you flip through the pages, I hope you’ll be inspired by the many extraordinary individuals featured in our October issue: Armando Gutierrez, Alastair Inman, Joan Malkin and John Puckett, this year’s OC Teacher of the Year finalists (“Everyday Heroes” p. 30); tennis superstar and OC native Lindsay Davenport (“OC Woman Unmatched” p. 32), who shares how she juggles career and motherhood (note: she has good days and bad days, just like you and me).

So stop killing yourself by preparing healthful, homemade meals three times a day, stop feeling guilty that you enjoy going to work, stop worrying about whether your child’s backpack is the “right one,” and for goodness sake, stop trying to be the Perfect Mom!

Sincerely,

Jennifer Cho Salaff , Editor
jennifer.salaff@parentingoc.com

Extraordinary Parent Update
Last year, we profiled Joseph Democko of Anaheim (“My Three Sons,” Oct 2007), who, at age 20, became Orange County’s youngest foster parent (he later adopted his twin sister’s three boys). Today, the 25-year-old is living in Corona where he recently purchased a 3-bedroom home on a half-acre of land. “They’re so excited they can play outside,” Democko says of Chris, 7, Anthony, 6 and George, 4. “The kids are doing awesome.”